When we talk about premature ejaculation, erectile dysfunction, and other sexual problems, we generally think of them from an individual perspective: the man’s anxiety, his masturbation methods, some trauma in his sexual history, or his failed methods of controlling arousal. However, it is difficult for us to incorporate the gaze of the couple that, from a systematic thought, is part of the problem as well as the solution.
A study that conducted online surveys of 1,463 women with an age range between 20 and 50 years, shows a direct relationship between the perception of premature ejaculation and satisfaction with the relationship of the couple and sexual life. The negative stress that occurs in women as a result of the short time that elapses between penetration and ejaculation of the man, is also a cause of the breakdown of the couple’s relationship.
The conclusions of the aforementioned study are found in an article published in 2014 by the Journal of Sexual Medicine, entitled The perception of premature ejaculation by women and its impact on the breakdown of the relationship, quality of the relationship and sexual satisfaction. Considering that studies have always focused on the impact of premature ejaculation in men, the information contained in this article is very original and quite valuable.
In the research that –as we saw- studies women from very different cultures, several instruments were used such as the Index of Female Sexual Function, the Female Sexual -Distress Scale, the Couple Relationship Assessment Scale, and other questionnaires.
Some of the most important conclusions are:
- In women who considered the control of their partner’s ejaculation as very important or extremely important (40% of them), the negative stress associated with premature ejaculation increased. This occurs as a consequence not only of the short duration of intercourse , but also because of the little attention that their partners paid to other sexual needs such as caresses or kisses.
- A high percentage of female partners of men with premature ejaculation had at least one sexual problem such as loss of desire (49.8%) or sexual dissatisfaction (41.3%). In two thirds of them, the sexual problem did not exist before the start of the current relationship.
- Almost a quarter of the women surveyed revealed that a man’s premature ejaculation problem had previously led to the breakdown of relationships. The more important the duration of sexual intercourse for a woman, the more likely she is to be motivated to end her relationship with a man who suffers from premature ejaculation.
- A quarter of the women surveyed indicated that their sexual dissatisfaction was the consequence of their partner paying more attention to the sexual problem than to the erotic relationship, losing the ability to create different sexual games and falling into monotony.
Definitely, when we treat premature ejaculation we must include the couple – as far as possible – since this intervention will give us more chances of success and effectiveness. If we listen to the couple, we inform them about the characteristics of the problem and the treatment and we explain how they can collaborate and be part of the process, we will be able to reduce their psychological discomfort and, indirectly, take the pressure off the man with premature ejaculation. On the other hand, as professionals sexologist in Delhi should not focus only on prolonging the times of intercourse, but also on the erotic enrichment of the couple, stimulating variants in their sexual scripts.