Low Libido (Low Sex Desire): Loss of sexual desire in women is the biggest sexual problem.
A woman’s desire for sex is based on a complex interaction of many components affecting intimacy, including physical well-being, emotional well-being, experiences, beliefs, lifestyle and current relationship. If you are having an issue in any of these areas, it can affect your sexual desire.
One of the aspects of sexuality that is most often resented over time is sexual desire, especially in women. After the time of falling in love and especially if we are in a long and lasting relationship over time, there may come a time when the yearning for the other person is reduced, the interest in sexual intercourse decreases considerably, as well as fantasies and thoughts erotic. In some cases, even discomfort appears.
However, before delving into the causes and possible solutions it is important to know several things about sexual desire, as highlighted by the experts consulted:
- Desire changes evolve and change throughout life. That is, it is absolutely normal to have streaks of more desire and streaks with less desire.
- When we talk about sexual desire, the collective imagination identifies it with passion and uncontrollable impulses towards the couple. However, there are different types of desire.
“Understanding that impulsive and spontaneous desire is not the only one is key to understanding what happens in long-term couples,” adds sexologist in Delhi. Doctor establishes three types of desire:
- The impulsive: is the one that relates to falling in love. When we have just met someone and desire comes from the need to be with that person all the time. At first, there is an unbridled sexual desire, but as the relationship stabilizes it is common for the impulsive desire to diminish. “That this impulsive desire becomes calm does not mean that sexual relations are less pleasant,” adds Chacón.
- The asset: “It implies an action to provoke a reaction”, summarizes the co-director of the Institute of Sexology of Barcelona, who clarifies that it is about cultivating our own desire and encouraging it with mental or physical exercises.
- The reagent: our partner’s desire activates ours and makes us receptive to having sex even if we don’t feel like it.
“The woman has a low sexual desire when the desire to be intimate and have sexual intercourse is greatly reduced. In addition, she is not receptive and has no fantasies or sexual thoughts, ”says top sexologist in Delhi.
With this in mind, when can we speak of low desire as problematic? Sex specialist doctor in Delhi indicates that we would be in that situation when the woman sees it as a problem, appears discomfort and has a sense of loss with respect to its previous formula. In addition, you can start to assume a cost if you feel different from the people around you. If you have a partner, it starts to affect your relationship.
“There are usually two factors that contribute to the discomfort appearing; on the one hand, feeling different – feeling different from other people to whom this does not happen, as well as different from myself at other times in my life – something that contributes to the awareness that something is happening, and on the other hand, if you have a partner, seeing that the mismatch in the levels of libido of both is large and is becoming increasingly expensive for the relationship, ”explains sex specialist in Delhi.
Why does desire descend?
The causes are multiple and varied. The experts summarize the most common:
- The type of moral and religious education that women have received.
- Taking any medication: some psychoactive drugs may have as a side effect the reduction of desire.
- Changes in sexual response as a result of age and arrival at stages such as pregnancy, postpartum or menopause.
- An inadequate sexual education: “Some women come to the office and we see that they have no desire because, in the end, they don’t feel too much pleasure when they have sex and don’t reach orgasm. Then they say: what am I going to wear if I don’t have a good time either? These situations reduce sexual desire, ”adds sex doctor in Delhi.
- Traumatic sexual experiences
- The appearance of difficulties or negative feelings associated with erotic encounters or the experience of sexuality. “Desire is nothing more than the desire to repeat those encounters, contacts or erotic codes that make us feel good and connect us with pleasure; if for whatever reason, discomfort, discomfort or pain is appearing in erotic encounters, the desire is likely to be reduced or disappear,” sexologist in Delhi explains. “In these types of situations, avoiding further exposure to negative feelings is a key to improvement; nevertheless, the desire probably will not return to the basic values if the cause of this discomfort is not eliminated and positive feelings, emotions, and experiences are not associated again with sexuality ”
- Problems of intimacy with the couple or sexual communication that prevent a woman from explaining well what she wants and likes.
- The routine: in long-term couples, the sexual scripts can end up being routinized by both parties and, as sexologist in Delhi points out, “in the end everything is so equal, that the feeling that everything is the same goes down the desire because You know what will happen and what is the next step that the other person will take. ”
- Stress, anxiety, and low mood. “In these cases, being the low desire secondary to these realities – that is to say, that the low desire is a consequence of the psychological states – the therapeutic accompaniment should be oriented to the improvement of the former so that the desire is restored after the improvement at a psychological level, ”says sexologist doctor in Delhi.
- The couple’s problems and unsolved daily problems: imbalances within the relationship in housework or unequal family charges resent sexual desire in the case of women. A more equitable distribution of tasks can positively influence the desire to reappear.
- There is no apparent cause of that demotivation. “There are women that sex is not the most important thing in life, they are not asexual, but for them, it is not something vital”.
What can we do? Emergency tips to increase libido
All these causes can take its toll on sexuality and desire. However, the good news is that it has a solution. For starters, the key is not to get overwhelmed and assume that desire fluctuates throughout life. We must also recognize that there is a problem, that the spark is going out or has already died out and that it is necessary to get involved to solve it.
Next, it is very important to work sexual communication with sincerity. “The woman should be able to tell her partner what she likes and what she doesn’t and the situation she is going through, if the distribution of housework bothers her or she doesn’t feel loved, for example. I recommend that you talk quietly with a coffee or a drink and that the woman ask your partner for help to solve it together, putting it easily and patiently, ”recommends the best sexologist in Delhi.
The next point that can be worked on is to abandon the rigid model of sexuality based primarily on vaginal penetration. “For decades it has been known that vaginal penetration at the physiological level is not the potentially more pleasant erotic practice for women; to make erotic encounters more flexible so that they include other practices, other games or other codes, in addition to helping to get out of monotony, it can generally be very useful for there to be more appetite and desire for them,” the best sex doctor in Delhi recommends.
Reading erotic literature, watching movies on this subject, adding mutual masturbations, working on sexual fantasies and sharing them and opening the mind making it easier for a desire to be revived and adds a bit of spice to the relationship.
Spend time with sex
The current pace of life is often a great impediment that couples must overcome. “The maelstrom of life makes the urgent passes ahead of the important, it doesn’t help. It is very common that the daily life of many people – of many women – is a long succession of tasks and obligations (I take the children to school, I go to work, I escape to the gym at lunchtime, I pick them up and on the way we go shopping, I take the little one to his extracurricular activity while I do my homework with the eldest …). Not having spaces and moments outside the obligation and requirement, is usually one of the biggest and most frequent factors that contribute to erotic encounters being scarce and desire can be reduced by having much less present sexuality. Thus, preserving some time for self-care and eroticism can help build a different trend in terms of desire.”
You have to practice what I call corridor sex, that is, favor erotic situations throughout the day and at any time starting with the farewell when you go to work or the reunion on the way back. Spicy messages, kisses and other daily details also contribute, ”recommends sexologist in Delhi.
Finally, sex specialist in Delhi insists on a regular digital diet: disconnect the TV, tablet, and phone and invest that time in the couple. “Every time we see more in consultation with young couples who every night watch several chapters on Netflix or HBO and at the end at 1 am they are tired. Sex needs time and that many people do not take into account. ”